And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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