who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
