She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
