why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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