dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I need a burrito and a hug.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
