She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
