peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
