This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
