I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
