Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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