i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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