Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
