Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
