Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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