Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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