sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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