I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
