Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
bring money and cleavage
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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