dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
