I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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