so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
