worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
