I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
