I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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