after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
