i just had sex bonerless
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
