There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
