all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
