Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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