I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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