There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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