So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
