At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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