Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
