I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize