and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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