your parents love me but you hate me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it hurts more in the daytime
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
