these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
