If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
