I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
