Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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