im drinking this country out of the recession.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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