Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
