It's Friday. Sex?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
