ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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