It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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