she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
