The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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