this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
