my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
