After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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