When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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