He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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