he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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