she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
