Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
