she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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