God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
