Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
