so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Even my vagina gasped.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
