I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
