Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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