Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
