Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
