Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize