don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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