felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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