only if we run a train.
done.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
