i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
