I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need to align my fucking chakras
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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