you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize