i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
