Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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