My room smells like vodka and shame
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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