ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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